thankfulness

This post is an update about our continued journey as we wait the arrival of our little one. I wrote back in May that “The trusting and hoping does not stop now” that I was pregnant. I have found myself from the beginning and throughout these past six months telling myself often how much God delights in us being dependent on him. Why should I think that now that I was pregnant everything would go according to the books, and that I was back in control? No, God continues to want to grow my faith and he knows what I need in my life to keep my eyes on Him. I am learning to be thankful and grateful for the test and trials that grow my faith that he is in control. Control of every detail.

By week seven of this pregnancy my progesterone levels dropped, significantly enough that my team (doctor and a mid-wife) recommended supplementing with progesterone daily. I received this recommendation while out in CO and could not get medication for several days. I did not know how urgent was it for me to start, and my heart was prone to fear. God kindly reminded me that he is the one who sustains life and that it was Him that I needed to look to in my time of help. I remember the tears that flowed from my eyes thinking about the possibility of losing this baby and again praying and wrestling with these thoughts to a loving God who knows all. I have hung onto these words of truth as it has been God’s grace to sustain this little life that is growing in me.

The last four months have been weekly to bi-weekly blood work checking my progesterone levels. Thankfully I have a wonderful little girl who goes with me and even watches while I sit back with my feet up (just in case if I faint) and turn my head. She picks out my bandage color too! My levels remained low and below “normal” week after week. We had hoped that my body would start taking over and start making the progesterone around week fourteen, but it did not. These weekly levels have tested my faith and have proven to be a roller coaster of emotions. As my levels did not continue to rise we decided to double the amount. After increasing the amount of progesterone my levels even went backwards. This was not the direction I was anticipating. I was discouraged and again fearful as the weeks continued and a miscarriage was still a possibility. I would call my mid-wife and she would kindly remind me that the Lord loves this baby more then I do and she would pray for me. Her faith and knowledge encouraged my fearful soul. She helped me shift my eyes back onto the Lord with every weekly phone call I made.

Early on in this pregnancy I wanted to have a heart of thankfulness no matter the outcome or the journey we walked. I had to train and remind myself. So when I out grow clothes, have sore muscles, see my growing belly in the mirror, lay awake in the middle of the night, or feel a kick, I try to stop and give thanks. I am still in awe that I am pregnant and that we are able to experience this gift of life. This is it was something that I did not know if it would happen again.

I am currently in week 30 and my levels have now just become within a normal range. I am thankful. It is the Lord that has brought us this far. We will continue to monitor them. I am nesting and the list of closest that need to be cleaned and organized has begun. I hoping to use all this nesting energy to get things done, organized, and in order.  My thinking has been that everything will stop once the baby arrives.  A crib was finally ordered and my office will become a nursery.  We continue to trust God to sustain this little one until he decides to enter into our life. Yes we will be adding blue to our home when this little boy arrives!!! We are excited and continue to wait with thankfulness and faith to meet this gift that God has given us.